Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
