i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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