i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
