honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
