I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
