Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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