Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
