I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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