He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
