I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
