would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
