Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
