if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
