She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
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I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
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Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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