If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
