Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
