There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
