last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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