Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
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The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
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I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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