Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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