In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
