smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
