The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize