I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
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NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
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Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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