I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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