How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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