Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
There r osticjed everywhere
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
