If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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