My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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