DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The uberlube is also flammable
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
