Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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