So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize