can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
