So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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