I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
