you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
