last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
