He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
