I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
