We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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