I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
