Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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