Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
