we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
