Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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