he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
