he puts the penis in happiness.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
