he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
