Umm I'm too high to move.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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