Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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