He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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