Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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