Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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