Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
