I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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